I understand that many people believe that forgiveness means unconditionally accepting (almost resigning yourself to “this is what happened, this is what you had to love” or “this is what the machine threw at you”) what happened to them. I have a slightly different view on the matter.
I think true forgiveness doesn’t require you to think it’s “normal” or “ok” that that particular thing happened to you. So it is possible to accept a situation without excusing the person (who let’s say did what they did) from the responsibility. This means accepting that the thing happened to you, but also accepting that it is NOT OK for you.
For me is what I call deep, true forgiveness, when I give up hope in the “I wish it had happened differently” alternative. I am able to stop hoping and not wishing to myself that it would have been nice if it had turned out differently than it did. When you voluntarily give up hoping that the past could have been any different, then – and I think only at that point – you have forgiven. Instead of “but” and “if”, it becomes ” uh-huh”… .
When I profoundly understood that, I believe it helped me to be an even better person. I no longer hold resentments towards anyone or any situation. I have come to realize that it is better for me not to permit myself to live as a prisoner in the prison of my past.
I am absolutely convinced that if you don’t face your personal challenges, if you don’t forgive yourself, if you don’t forgive the situation, the person who hurt you, if you don’t understand that a story can and does end – you will be unable to move on.
Forgiveness does not mean that we have to see everyone as an angel and to refuse that there are no bad people on earth. Nor does it mean that we should overlook and tolerate them for what they have done. What it does mean is that by forgiving them, we reclaim our own energy.
You can blame these individuals for what they did, BUT DO NOT blame them for what YOU did NOT do! Blame them for what they did, but bless them for making YOU stronger, more resilient and ultimately better!
You can blame life, but my recommendation is to be grateful for what it has taught you and made you stronger. Know in your heart that if they could have known better, those who hurt you, caused you hardship they would have done better. How good is it to take this baggage off your shoulders and focus on building your bright future? Do you want more ideas? Are you inspired?